Why you should listen to your intuition

Source: fractalenlightenment.com

Source: fractalenlightenment.com

Either I can tell the future, or I have an extremely accurate intuition.

I need to start taking my own damn advice.

As you may know from previous posts like this, this, and this, I’ve been burned by relationships and am focusing on myself. Good thing my resolution this year is to be selfish.

The on-and-off again boyfriend (let’s call him *Bobby) and I had our share of problems. We mainly took a “break” because of distance.

However, this was not the breakdown of our relationship. I knew there was a big, looming event lurking in the distance, coming to tear us apart for good.

I was right. And apparently, I already knew long before I found out the truth.

Facebook is the perfect tool for spying. All it took was Bobby adding a particular girl (let’s call her *Lacy) on Facebook, for me to know.

I had never met her in my life. She lived across the country, enrolled in graduate school in the same program as Bobby.

Bobby had begun adding numerous girls on Facebook, and I had no suspicions.

But when I saw Lacy’s picture, I knew.

Maybe it had something to do with how pretty she was, that she was in his graduate school program, or that she was in a sorority. But mostly, it boiled down to the knots in my stomach.

I felt inspired to write this post when I discovered a draft from December 17th that I wrote when I first learned of Lacy’s existence. Bobby was sending me texts like these…

His idea of "love" is sending texts like these, but gettin' busy with another girl...

His idea of “love” is sending texts like these, but gettin’ busy with another girl…

…and I knew Lacy was the new girl in his life.

My intution also told me that when I ask, “Are you seeing anyone?” and he says, “Not really,” I need to be more specific. I also knew that texts like these were a complete lie:

Apparently "interesting girls" does NOT include the girl he was secretly sleeping with.

Apparently “interesting girls” does NOT include the girl he was secretly sleeping with.

December was eons ago as far as how the “relationship” has changed with Bobby since then, but somehow I knew what was to come. Here is what I wrote on December 17th:

Stop comparing yourself to your ex’s new girlfriend

Cutting your losses and transitioning to the single life is empowering in theory, but not when you’re actually living through it.

For some reason, being single after a long term relationship leaves some of us with a laundry list of insecurities. The question of “What’s wrong with me?” may sound familiar, even though a break up doesn’t mean something is wrong with us; it means something was wrong with the relationship.

If we’re not “friends” with our exes after a break up (friendship with an ex is completely foreign to me personally), usually we don’t want to be the one alone while our ex moves on.

Back in December, I knew.

But I continued to listen to Bobby’s lies. I believed him when he sent texts like this over Christmas Eve and Christmas Day:

He admits to fucking up, while he was still fucking up. Douchebag of the Year Award goes to...

He admits to fucking up, while he was still fucking up. Douchebag of the Year Award goes to…

And this:

In hindsight, this is kind of funny in a sick, twisted way. Lies+Cheating=Happily Ever After?

In hindsight, this is kind of funny in a sick, twisted way. Lies+Cheating=Happily Ever After?

Yet even though I still had knots in my stomach that a disaster was just around the corner, Bobby reassured me that I didn’t have anything to worry about:

When he said, "One more life transition and I'm ready," what he meant was, "As soon as I'm done screwing this other girl, I'll come crawling back to you."

When he said, “One more life transition and I’m ready,” what he meant was, “As soon as I’m done screwing this other girl, I’ll come crawling back to you.”

Instead of following my intuition, instead of asking the difficult questions, I didn’t. I allowed Bobby to see me on New Year’s Day, and there was no mention of Lacy. But he was distant. I knew. No matter how much I tried to ignore it, I knew that every word flying out of his mouth was tainted. I was too afraid to ask the most important question of all (“Are you sleeping with someone?”). I knew that everything was a lie.

Bobby found ways around the truth by being vague. He claimed he wasn’t “really” seeing anyone, that he hadn’t met anyone interesting, but he could not commit to being faithful to me. When he made it clear that it would be difficult for him to keep it in his pants, I knew:

Evidently he hasn't evolved past the Neanderthal stage.

Evidently he hasn’t evolved past the Neanderthal stage.

He failed to mention the fact that he was already sleeping with someone. Why did he do that?

Source: fashionerd101.blogspot.com You said it, sister!

Source: fashionerd101.blogspot.com
You said it, sister!

My intuition told me he was an asshole, but I still ignored it. I let him feed me lies that he was only telling to keep me in the dark:

In what world would a cheater be husband material?

In what world would a cheater be husband material?

A couple weeks after seeing Bobby, I knew. All I had to see was that Lacy was Bobby’s “best friend” on Snapchat. Again, those familiar knots in my stomach told me to stop. To wake up. To block him from my life.

So I did.

Weeks later, Bobby emailed me to confirm that he had been sleeping with Lacy for months, was continuing to sleep with her, but that he wanted to marry me. My worst fears were realized: my intuition was right, and I should have closed the door on our relationship long ago. I should have voiced the questions circling around in my head, but I didn’t. I was afraid of the answers. And I learned the truth too late. I barely got out alive.

The moral of this messy story is that your intuition is almost always right. Don’t ignore it like I did. I knew I would spiral downward. I knew I deserved better. I knew Bobby was a liar. I knew I wanted to be alone. But I clung to that fantasy. The fantasy that relationships work out. Maybe one day, it won’t be a fantasy for me. But for now, it’s out of reach.

Now, being selfish has never been more important. My goal is to rely on myself to make me happy. To find myself again. I crave inner peace after months of turmoil. I want to believe in myself, and I should start with listening to my intuition.

 

*Names have been changed

 

 

 

 

 

 

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17 thoughts on “Why you should listen to your intuition

  1. I am so sorry. He’s a pig and you deserve better. Essentially he wanted to keep you as an option while he is effing that girl. Mmmph. You did right to walk away. Never look back.

    • Yeah, it’s been the most fucked up situation I’ve ever been involved in. I was shocked myself that I’d written a blog post that long ago, before I knew for sure that he was involved with the girl. My intuition was just spot on.

      I hope you never have to go through anything like this either!

  2. So true, intuition is almost 100% right most of the time! On the other hand, even when you know it it’s hard to believe & hard to accept! I’m glad you’re moving onwards and upwards! x

    • Thank you! I think that for myself, I sometimes ignore my intuition because the truth is upsetting, and so I put it out of my mind. But it’s all a part of life, and we get through it.

      Thank you for commenting! 🙂

  3. I feel sorry for you but at the same time, I am glad that you woke up to reality and finally decided to end things with him. Women’s instinct is a gift from God haha! This saved me for how many times! Sometimes, we are just waiting for them to admit their lies right in front of our face and sometimes, we are not confronting the other party because we are hoping that our gut is lying to us; that maybe we are just being jealous or over reacting with stuff. We are blinded for some time until we are so numb and all we want to do is get the truth of the person. I have my own encounter of guys like that, those who wants to get the best of both worlds and this guy don’t deserve you. Good luck and I’m happy that you are now moving forward! 😀 ❤

    • Thank you so much! I agree completely that we have amazing instincts. For myself, I knew the truth deep down, but I was afraid to hear it, and so I pretended to ignore it as if it wasn’t really happening. But he finally confessed and I knew he was no good.

      I feel so great moving forward! Thanks, and good luck to you too. 🙂

  4. The hesitantcy to face myself, be with myself, and listen to myself has been the cause of every major problem in my adult life. That’s so hard to do in a culture which always directs us to look at and be like others, to want what they say we should have and be what they say we ought to be (including being coupled when and with whom and in the way they say). Good luck in your exploration of selfishness, though that’s not what I would call it. As I’m learning to follow my real self, I find it easier not to put up with my own bullshit, which makes it easier not to accept bullshit from others.

    • Thanks, I think I just called it being selfish because that was the only word I could come up with at the time that truly described what I’m striving for. For me I want more than my self exploration and understanding of myself. I want to focus and pay attention to just myself for the most part, and being selfish was the most accurate word I could think of.

      I agree that it’s difficult to listen to and be with ourselves. I think that’s a part of progressing through our lives and becoming confident. The most confident people I know are those who are completely comfortable with themselves as a whole. I haven’t gotten there yet, and so I have a lot of work to do.

      Good luck to you, too! 🙂

  5. Pingback: Learning to breathe: Harder than I thought | Humyn

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