Relationships are like snowflakes: Every single one is unique.
With that in mind, everyone can agree that break ups suck. Whether you’ve been dumped by the guy you thought you were going to marry or you broke up with your clingy boyfriend, neither situation is ideal.
Since every relationship and the people in them are unique, people cope with break ups differently. However, there are popular breakup behaviors many of us develop that are unhealthy. The following is a list of what NOT to do while going through a break up, but many of have been guilty of (myself included).
1. Throwing yourself into the dating scene too soon.
*Because the guy you’re on a date with doesn’t want to hear you say, “My boyfriend, I mean, ex boyfriend, and I used to come here all the time.” And you know you’re just going to be wishing this guy was your ex boyfriend anyway if you haven’t had time to heal.
2. Blasting a breakup playlist 24/7 and crying as you sing along.
*After you’ve had that initial meltdown post-breakup, it’s time to say goodbye to the Adele and Taylor Swift breakup songs and find something more upbeat. Like this:
You love it. Even if you hate it, you still love it.
The entire soundtrack from The Fault in Our Stars is a good choice, actually.
3. Changing your Facebook profile picture to a photo of you, looking fabulous, with a handsome stud next to you. Or any guy, for that matter.
*This is a surefire way to make your ex insanely jealous, right? It could work, but it may also just cause some drama. If you don’t have your ex on Facebook and a mutual friend sees it, and then passes the word on to your ex, you may not be cast in a positive light.
4. Blocking him on Facebook. Then unblocking him and sending him a friend request. Blocking him again.
*If it hurts too much to see your ex’s updates on Facebook, just hide him from your timeline for a while. But if you do decide you need to block him, stick to it.
5. Repeating cycle with your ex’s phone number.
*If you feel tempted to contact him, just delete his number and delete the saved texted messages.
6. Going out every single weekend, or every night, and crying at the end of the night because you miss your ex. And doing some of the following:
*Yes, keeping busy can be a good way to cope with the breakup. But going out to bars or clubs isn’t a constructive way to stay busy. While it may help you feel numb or less lonely, that is only temporary. Try going to dinner with friends, out to movies, or calling up family members to talk. This way you’re staying busy and connected to those who will lift your spirits.
7. Reaching out to your ex.
*Bad idea. You need time to be single, and your ex may not want to hear from you for a while. If a few months have gone by and you can’t shake that nagging feeling that you need to talk to him, then you can make a move.
8. Posting dramatic Facebook statuses and tweets.
*It may help you blow off steam, but it doesn’t get you anywhere. Keep your feelings to those closest to you.
9. Asking mutual friends if your ex wants you back. Hint (or tell them bluntly) that you want to be together again, and hope word gets back to your ex.
*This puts your mutual friends in an awkward spot. No one wants hurt feelings, and they don’t want to be the bearers of bad news.
10. Ignoring your feelings altogether.
*We all need time to cry and feel those negative feels. Moving on from a break up takes time, and it’s crucial to take that time for yourself. Just make sure it’s constructive.
I’ve definitely been guilting of committing one, two, okay maybe all ten of these things. But hey, life is just a mess, right? We learn from our screw ups, dust the dirt off, and keep on walking.